Anti-Stephen Harper Song

I booked some studio time and contacted Canada’s top musical talent to record a thought-provoking track against Stephen Harper, but before I knew it a million other bands beat me to the punch.

To save some money I cancelled the booking, fired the band and quickly threw something together on my iPad that accomplishes exactly what I set out to accomplish. It’s a but rushed but try to enjoy and please don’t forget to vote in Canada when it’s time.


City Toads (1990)


8 Things To Do On The First Day Of Fall


Follow this link to experience what is promised in this post’s headline

Facebook buttons of the future


Here’s a post I did for work that’s not as abrasive as what I’d post here. Click anywhere to get. 

My wedding vows

Three years ago I married a woman for the first time and since then we’ve shared our lives and toilet in wedded bliss.

Our wedding day is a blur of presents and money but if there’s one thing I do remember, it’s the vows I spoke directly into the eyes of my beautiful wife. In honour of our anniversary I’d like to share these vows with you with the hope that they inspire you to go out there and somehow find a single soulmate in a world of 7 billion people.

Love, Glenn


Hey baby baby, if I choke, save me
If I drown it’s my fault because only clowns drown
So lower me down into the ground in a race car casket
Complete with engine, oil and gaskets
I’ll want to race to the afterlife
To have sex with ghosts and wait for you, wife
It won’t be heaven without you or Kevin
Which Kevin is the Kevin I’d like to meet in Heaven?
Spacey, Hart even Smith would do
As long as they’re there with me, clouds and you
And if there’s no Heaven that’s alright as well
Being anywhere without you is like living in Hell
Speaking of Hell, it’s likely not bad
Maybe too hot and a little bit sad
But I’d rather suffer with you than party alone
So let’s make this quick and hit the bone zone

Daring actors of Hollywood

Lights, camera and action! TIFF is back for another year of critically acclaimed films, hot parties and loads of totally radical folks from the PR industry who truly believe they rule.

Unfortunately for all you film buffs, was denied press accreditation again this year because we’re well-known for our HONESTY when it comes to movie reviews. Worry not because that won’t stop us from delivery premium content related to Toronto’s biggest annual event and to start things off we’ve got a little history lesson inspired a daring choice made by a modern actor.

During a Q ‘n A for this new movie, The Program, actor Ben Foster-Wright-Penn revealed he took real drugs to help him act like disgraced biker Lance Armstrong. This isn’t the first time a real deal actor has taken a big risk for the sake of cinema. Here are some other memorable ones:


To prep for his role as the uncle of Clifford (1994), a trouble-making little boy played by law-abiding adult Martin Short, Charles Grodin legally adopted a 48-year old named Nico and raised him as his own.


Laura Dern spent six months in a sad, sexless relationship with a British workaholic named Spencer prior to filming Jurassic Park (1993) with co-star Sam Neill.


Before puppeteering Jedi Master Yoda in 1980’s The Empire Strikes Back, Frank Oz trained by growing a creature on his hand. Right before shooting began the creature was surgically removed and eventually starred in Ghoulies (1984)


Sly Stallone spent two weeks wooing, dating, marrying, then divorcing a quiet nerd with major babe potential before shooting on Rocky (1976) began.


Keanu Reeves signed up for his first email account a mere four days before principal photography began on The Matrix (1999).


Ernie Hudson spent four months living with a spooky white family before Ghostbusters (1983).


Neve Campbell spent a week in the special needs kindergarten class of an L.A.-area elementary school to prepare for her scenes with Matthew Lillard in the horror classic Scream (1996).


The best sandwich board quotes for your restaurant

Regular readers of this motherfucker know that I love food more than I love toys. Living in the cultural trail mix that is Toronto has exposed me to every type of cuisine out there and most local restaurant owners know me personally as “the guy who only orders one drink”. Using my vast knowledge of food and restaurants, I’ve come up with very good sandwich board quotes for various types of eateries that are free for anyone to use. I’ve learned that nothing puts meat in the seats quite like a cleverly-worded street ad.

Coffee juicer




hamburger hut


onion shack


beer bar


wine bar


chinese food store


Fruit juke



10 Reasons School Stinks



What is it like in today’s schools?

Next week kids of all heights and weights will go back to school to learn about things we adults don’t care about. But today’s schools are vastly different than the ones we used to dream about sex in, and the kids have changed too. Back in my day we’d jump to class and instead of computers we had smart kids chained to the back wall.  What else is different? Let’s find out:

Did kids still get in trouble for chewing gum?

The roots of chewing gum in class go way back to the origins of gum itself.

Aristocrats loved getting seated beside the windows of posh restaurants to show the hungry poor how well-fed they were. It got so popular that the wealthy yearned for a more portable way to display their ability to eat food any time they wanted. Chewing gum was designed as a way for the rich to appear to be eating while on the go and it caught on quickly, but thanks to gum’s low prices, fake eating became a trend that everyone could enjoy. It was especially prevalent in schools and soon every child was chewing, causing teachers to burn school lunches and eventually the banishment of gum once they figured out what was happening.

Even after gum went from being a tool for pretend eating to a pleasurable mouth exercise, schools continued to enforce the century-old rule. Surprisingly, gum is quite popular in today’s schools but rather than chew with their mouths, students chew with their noses for easy concealment and fresher snorts for when they sniff screw after school. Sniff screwing has essentially replaced the more pedestrian blow job and will likely inspire the next generation of pornography.


What happened to Coles/Cliffs Notes?

We’ve all ‘cheated’ on a test, book report or salad contest by using abridged versions of course material called Coles Notes here in Canada and Cliffs notes in the United Stains. You’d be naive to think that modern children don’t use shortcuts to get their homework done, they just do so in a different way.

In modern schools students are surrounded by technological devices, providing ample nooks and crannies in which to hide tiny scrolls called “wee cheaties”. Teachers have a very hard time controlling the flow of wee cheaties within school walls because of the sheer number of them.


What about bullies?

Today’s culture doesn’t reward bullies like our generation did but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist–at least in the physical world. During the school day all identified bullies are strapped into rigs that take them into a massive simulation where their avatars are free to roam. They are able to live their fantasies of killing teachers and pissing on nerds so that by the end of the day they can return to a normal home life.

Do they still have to ask before going to the bathroom?

Everyone remembers the embarrassment of having to ask a teacher to use to the bathroom. Today’s schools have replaced bathrooms with “Creative Co-Habitats”, which are essentially white-walled rooms filled with bean bag chairs and Plasticine. Students are free to enter the habitat whenever they please and are encouraged to explore their bowel movements and innovate new ways to dispose of human waste while collaborating with their peers.


Do teachers still get apples from students?

No, they get frozen honey instead.

What happened to blackboards?

Blackboards gave way to whiteboards which have been replaced by advanced LED displays linked to an intricate network of schools around the globe. The display aggregates lessons worldwide ensuring that the pepperoni dancer’s son in Italy is getting the same education as the blacksmith’s bastard daughter in Tokyo.


This way, every idiot of the future will be very easy to control and manipulate because we’ll know exactly what’s in those shriveled little fuckin’ peanut brains of theirs. Today’s random assortment of morons is very difficult to control because we cannot predict their actions, which has led to crime, teenage pregnancies, Amy Adams movies and the Washington Redskins.

New video — Toronto_GameBoy return$

This is the follow-up video to this baby, which introduced comedy fans to a new and innovative character who’s into toys. Get crazy and watch in public for everyone to enjoy.