If you’re traveling back in time this week, bring back some hand sanitizer and when you get back to the future you’ll probably have more brothers and sisters. Bigger family means more presents. It also means that if a different guy from the future travels back in time to our age and brings with him something that will spark a worldwide clan war, your clan will be bigger and stronger because you sanitized early, ensuring a large and healthy brood.
This is a visual aid in case you came from the past and don’t know what hand sanitizer is. It’s actually a great product that’s statistically lowering the rate of influenza across the Universe. It was first developed as a replacement for jams and jellies, but researchers found it was poison and didn’t taste good on toast. You can find it at your local drug store or your grocer’s freezer.
GLENN W. MACAULAY 