Fruit Chute

Wonderful! That alarm means that the Fruit Chute is armed and ready to bring us the bounty of the summer season.

The Fruit Chute is a mysterious machine that some believe is one of the lost talismans of David Blaine. My former master found it in his mom’s garage while looking for a baseball card that he claimed had a swear word printed in the place of the player’s name. I’ve got the Internet and I still haven’t found mention of the misprinted card so I suspect he was lying to cover up the fact that he was living in his mom’s garage at the time.

He installed the Chute it in our office where it remains today, churning out delicious fruits that all smell like clay (they taste good).

Untitled-1We haven’t had a fruit come down the chute since the last of the nectarines back in August. Oh, it’s starting up! The machine sounds like this when it gets going:

And out of the purple vapour comes today’s fruit…


I don’t know what fruit this is. It smells like clay so it’s definitely from the Chute but it doesn’t look like anything I’ve ever chomped on. I don’t see a stem but it has the structural integrity of an unripened plum. I’ve never had a reason to mistrust the Chute so I’ll take a bite.

Hey, this is Russell, Glenn’s assistant. After he ate the fruit he started getting zits on his eyes so we rushed him to the hospital where they pumped his stomach to find this:

Glenn’s doing fine now but the creature is demanding we pay for food and accommodations while he sorts out what dimension he’s in. Legally that’s all we can say right now. Thanks for reading!

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