Brag Bag

While I was rummaging through the crawl space looking for my frog costume, I stumbled upon my Brag Bag.

For those who don’t know what that is, my Brag Bag is a rucksack-style bag made from red canvas with black accents and a logo bearing the name of the manufacturer that I won’t mention because I prefer to brag about what’s in the bag and not what’s outside. It has a Led Zeppelin patch (sewn, not ironed-on), a zipper that gives access to the main chamber, and two smaller pockets that operate under a snap system. I’m hesitant to use the latter for the storage because I don’t trust a snap as much as a zipper or even a sturdy button.

NOT THE ACTUAL BAG – to show the real Brag Bag would technically be a bag brag meaning I’d have to somehow put the brag bag into itself. Since that’s impossible, this is as good a look as you’ll get.

This bag is where I keep all the things I’m able to confidently brag about. Are all brags confident? Guess I’m not putting “understanding of the English language” in my Brag Bag. Here is what I will put in the Brag Bag this week:

All MOST of my appliances and kitchen implements are major brands

My arsenal includes KitchenAid, Cuisinart, GE, and Breville. I may not have it all but let’s just say what I lack in Le Creuset I make up for with a decent amount of Calphalon.

Every weekday morning I eat a high fibre cereal that no sweet freak / frost boss would touch

Once your taste buds and nose cones get accustomed to scarfing wheat and oats without ‘zang’, you can easily eat a daily breakfast that won’t turn your guts to gravy. My preferred brand looks like cat treats and tastes like trite taffy but the absence of fun allows me to sample the office candy basket more than any bacon ‘n egger ever could.

I taught my wife how to make rice in a matter of minutes 

Any time somebody says they can’t cook rice I’m all like, “Rice? The food?”. If they were talking about say, the car, then I understand–a car is hard to make.

I don’t even keep my microwave plugged in

This actually reminds me that my microwave isn’t really a major brand, unless you consider DANBY major. I might go back and erase that first one but if I don’t, know that it’s because I still feel I own enough to brag. Anyway, most people keep their microwave plugged in at all times, providing them an extra digital clock in their work space. Since we rely on our oven as our primary kitchen timepiece, we don’t feel it necessary to keep the microwave plugged in. When the mail boy delivers the hydro bill every new moon I’m always delighted to be able to tell myself that I’ve saved a few cents–and heck, maybe a dollar or two–just because I’m more logical than most amateur chefs.

Guess I’m more of a foodie than I thought! Time to put the bag back the crawl space. Next time I’m hoping to be able to brag about summer softball statistics, ice cream lick records, and outfits that really sizzle. Until then, this has been The Brag Bag.