Three years ago I married a woman for the first time and since then we’ve shared our lives and toilet in wedded bliss.
Our wedding day is a blur of presents and money but if there’s one thing I do remember, it’s the vows I spoke directly into the eyes of my beautiful wife. In honour of our anniversary I’d like to share these vows with you with the hope that they inspire you to go out there and somehow find a single soulmate in a world of 7 billion people.
Hey baby baby, if I choke, save me
If I drown it’s my fault because only clowns drown
So lower me down into the ground in a race car casket
Complete with engine, oil and gaskets
I’ll want to race to the afterlife
To have sex with ghosts and wait for you, wife
It won’t be heaven without you or Kevin
Which Kevin is the Kevin I’d like to meet in Heaven?
Spacey, Hart even Smith would do
As long as they’re there with me, clouds and you
And if there’s no Heaven that’s alright as well
Being anywhere without you is like living in Hell
Speaking of Hell, it’s likely not bad
Maybe too hot and a little bit sad
But I’d rather suffer with you than party alone
So let’s make this quick and hit the bone zone