Superheroes are more popular than ever because we’ve finally realized that normal people can’t do shit about anything. As far as we know, the superheroes of our comic books don’t exist but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people out there who have special abilities that make life better. Here are some real life superheroes that are making a difference:
The parents who bathe their infant in milk, just in case
The blind dog who can’t stop sniffin’ vinegar
Uncle Tim… NOT.
These motherfuckers
The garbage man who says “THIS is why I never want kids” whenever he comes across a bag of used diapers, though his colleagues know he can’t gave kids because of a tick that burrowed into his sack when he was 12.
Chicks with attitude
The guy who claims he’s a nudist even though he wears a jockstrap when he drives
That little fuckin’ smear who lives next door
Simone “Bart” Simpson
Old Scott down at Chubby’s
The radio DJ who wears a bib because his wife was sick of washing the spit off the front of his shirts
The cod fisherman who has always wanted to try on a pair of Air Jordans
The organic farmer who can’t remember where the Beavis doll that’s tied to the grill of his tractor came from
The old lady who refuses to swear unless her son dies
The Mayor of Chillsville
All of Ontario’s Shed Heads
GLENN W. MACAULAY 