Since it’s Saturday and you don’t have to sheer the goats until sundown, you take a thermos of sauce down to the old barn for today’s calendar treat. You take a seat on the same hay your mother fed to you as a baby and take the Advent calendar out of its folder. Using the fingernails you grew for Halloween and decided to keep because they pick zits so well, you peel back the December 7 window to reveal…
….ooooo look at that! An official NASA terraform sampler set, the very same brought to space by astronauts looking to trade our trees for the aliens’ cure for runny bums. The mission was of course unsuccessful but I’m we’ll all never forget Captain James Bafe’s famous quote, “we thought they’d notice us if we started peeing on the moon, but they never showed. Goddamn cowards”.
Only 18 days left until you go to church only because it’ll kill time before you get that new drill.
GLENN W. MACAULAY 