You finish up your smoothie and head to the attic, candlestick in hand, ready for another chocolate treat courtesy of your Advent calendar. You turn off the December 10 airlock and remove the bay door to reveal:
An apple core and a woman looking through her own Advent calendar right back at you. Since you opened the portal at the exact same time you both can’t decide who will get the core.
Stalemate.
“How much longer are we going to do this?” she asks.
“I’m waiting for a sign,” you answer.
“I’ll show you my bra if I can have it,” she offers.
“Can I keep the bra?” you ask.
“No, it’s grafted onto me, duh,” she replies.
“Oh, so you are in another dimension?” you ask.
“Duh,” she says.
“Is it called ‘Christmas’ where you’re from,” you wonder out loud.
“No it’s called ‘lunch’,” she says.
You decide not to tell her that in your dimension, apple cores are considered garbage. You close the portal without saying goodbye and continue carving the homemade Lego you plan on giving to your little nephew.
Only 15 days left until you realize that Jingle Bells isn’t about the bells man, it’s more about sleighs.
GLENN W. MACAULAY 