While your significant other tries on wet suits, you retreat to the mall’s inner bowels and find an old box labelled “CREATURES” to sit on. You carefully take your Advent calendar out of your trousers and with fingers covered in food court vinegar, you uncover today’s square. Inside you find:
The most perfect hive of butter you’ve ever laid eyes on! The only question now is where to smear it. You put the calendar back in your pants and go looking for the Corn Kiosk’s garbage bins. Better be quick as there’s no way the store has more than a few wet suits in size Extra Diagonal, meaning your sweet baby is going to come looking for you soon.
Only 9 days lefts until you start looking forward to next year’s birthday where you’ll remember to specifically ask for a bird feeder rather than relying on your family to pick up on subtle hints. Besides, there’s only so many nests you can fit in a medicine cabinet.
GLENN W. MACAULAY 