You return home from tobogganing with a scrape on your butt that kind of looks like the Warner Bros. logo. You find a bowl to sit in and pop “A Phantom of the Opera Christmas” into your DVD player while a pot of warm orange juice slowly simmers on the stove. Before you get to your favourite part in the movie where the Phantom gets tricked into looking for Santa at the bottom of a lake, you pry open today’s Advent latch to retrieve today’s offering.
A new eyeball in a very handsome box! There’s nothing that indicates who the ball belongs to but based on the beautiful grey-blue hue it probably belongs to a very trustworthy babe.
Only three days left until you fuckin’ pray Santa isn’t real because you just got new shingles and lady, they ain’t dry yet.
GLENN W. MACAULAY 