Classic army misunderstandings

Please welcome guest blogger Dale Cramer

I wrote a humourous advice column in the Windsor Gazette for forty years, earning accolades and more free coffee mugs than I got free coffees! The column was called The Cram and was known for its relatable parenting humour that teens could also enjoy, such as the Swiss Chalet Community Leader Award-winning piece “Got a Light?” where I compared smoking to drowning. When my column was canceled last month I decided it might be time to finally try my hand at blogging on the computer. I reached out to as many Internet sites as I could and thankfully this man Glenn gave me a shot. I was really happy to be able to include some more “X-Rated” material that my former editor scoffed at. No hard feelings, Raymond. Anyway, enjoy!

– Cram
(I can’t sign the computer screen but if you ever saw my column you’ll know I signed each one with my signature and a little picture of Cupid sticking his tongue out. This is where that would go)

Atten-hut! No, not the football
Classic Army Misunderstandings
by Dale Cramer

Thanks to my son Nick for finding this great ‘toon

It’s every young man’s dream to serve his country, but it ain’t all crisp white sheets and lifelong camaraderie. The army has its own language and terminology that even confused yours truly back when I was in the Canadian reserves. Please email these to your wives, boys!

It’s an ambush

Don’t try telling a platoon of thirsty soldiers there’s an ambush waitin’ for ’em — they might think you’re talking about an ice cold Anheuser-Busch beer (or ‘water’ as us canucks call it).

Caught in a booby trap

If there’s one surefire way to give soldiers the jollies it’s any mention of a booby trap — dream come true, eh?

Give no quarter 

A kill-hungry solider foams at the mouth when he’s able to give no quarter, but don’t utter the words around a young arcade (or should I say blockade) monkey! Boy I’ve heard of too many joystick jockeys gunned down in the field only because their rucksack was so full of quarters it was weighin’ ’em down.

Barbed Wire

It’s not uncommon for young soldiers to confuse the sharp stuff with the skin flick starring the stunning Pamela Lee. Keep your pistols in your pants boys, you don’t want catch your dinger on a real deal barbed wire fence — if you’re not going to die in the field, you’d better at least be able to reproduce!

– Cram
**cartoon of cupid sticking his tongue out**

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The only reason I let this guy do this is because he said he’d do it for free and because he allowed to me post his pic, which is totally worth it. Check this guy out: