In 1969, bass player Robert Bell informed his band that henceforth he would be known as “Kool”, while the band would be referred to as “the Gang”. Here are some reactions the Gang had to this news:
“If you’re going to be Kool, then I demand you start calling me ‘Fuck Master’.”
“I didn’t quit my job washing cigarettes just to be lumped in with the rest of these mother fuckers.”
“Why not just call the rest of us ‘The Pieces of Shit’?”
“I knew that girl named ‘Sexy’ would end up being a bad influence the minute you started dating her, man.”
“I don’t understand — are you the leader of ‘the Gang’ or are you an independent entity? To whom do we pay gang dues to?”
“Are you still going to make us egg salad on Tuesdays? Because that doesn’t sound like something a guy named ‘Kool’ would be into doing.”
“It’s not so bad, I mean, gangs can be cool too, right? How about we get ourselves a symbol, something like, oh I don’t know, an old tin can full of garbage with a mother fuckin’ ‘G’ on it?”
“It could be worse I ‘spose — I heard James Brown calls his band the Piss Drinkin’ Ass Brains.”
“You named your infant son Meepy and you call yourself ‘Kool’? Poor Meepy.”
GLENN W. MACAULAY 