Bono was back in the news last week when he revealed that his signature sunglasses are for glaucoma and not style and/or filtering out “things that aren’t beautiful”. It’s a pretty boring revelation but thankfully there are plenty of other celebrities out there whose famous accoutrements tell a very interesting story. Here are six of them:
Bill Paxton’s gold tooth
Bill Paxton made a name for himself as an actor in the 80s and 90s playing a wide-range of characters in instant classics like Aliens and Apollo 13. His famous gold tooth became almost as famous as him, spawning a Saturday morning cartoon called One Nice Tooth and a breakfast cereal called “Teeth”–but was the tooth a simple act of vanity or a marketing stunt to spawn a Saturday morning cartoon and a breakfast cereal? Neither. In an interview with Playboy in 2003, Paxton revealed that the tooth is one of three keys that when used together, will open a vault hidden deep beneath the sprawling Paxton compound in the Sonoran desert. Paxton never confirmed what is contained in the vault but it’s common Hollywood knowledge that it’s likely the only copy of William Shakespeare’s comic book about female skeleton who doesn’t hate anything, which was said to be the inspiration for Anne of Green Gables.
Kate Bosworth’s poo stained shirt
It’s popular belief that Kate Bosworth’s poo stained shirt was designed by House of Givenchy during Paris Fashion Week, 2007. During an appearance on Jeff Probst’s “What’s Up?” podcast Bosworth admitted that she actually bought the shirt from a Chicago-based punk rock singer named Adam Fucking Bullshit after he impressed her with his hip, DIY aesthetic. She also bought a pair of socks made out of a wet pizza box that can briefly be seen during the banana scene in Blue Crush.
Charlie Chaplin’s tattoo
Chaplin’s paw tattoo was a fixture in his early films but never got much attention compared to his moustache, hat, and knee that looks like a potato. In 19th century London all British infants were sorted and “stamped” into one of twenty different groupings based on a number of factors such as head size and barf smell. In those days an infant wasn’t considered a human being until it could say the Queen’s name without laughing, meaning that infants were legally property of the crown until such time. Each group of infants represented a different type of sacrifice that one would have to endure, or else be tossed into the Thames. Chaplin ended up a “Royal Moggy”, a group of infants that when called into service would be used to right the ballast of British ships carrying goods to North America. Thankfully, Chaplin was only called upon once where he spent a harrowing three week journey in a steamer carrying wool and pickle brine, bound for Newfoundland.
Rashida Jones’ fibre optic hair
Jones has lived a life of privilege thanks to her famous parents Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton and though the multi-talented actress has stayed grounded over the past several years, she was a complete nightmare as a teen. For her Sweet 16 party she requested a Ferrari made of bone china and a breast enhancement using whale blubber instead of silicon. Her parents did not indulge her and instead set her up with a procedure to replace her hair with fibre optic cables. Though furious at first, Jones eventually found the hair extremely useful during her years at Harvard where she was able to access information quickly and efficiently. Her hair was also named Top ISP of 2004 by Wired Magazine.
Alec Baldwin’s cheek meatball
Alec Baldwin has had a meatball on his face for so long that most people don’t even think about it anymore. The truth is that the actor himself didn’t know it was there until Rob Reiner noticed it on the set of Ghosts of Mississippi. Right before Baldwin attempted to peel it off, Reiner told him it suited his face and that it could become something special. Always with the Midas touch, Reiner was correct and the meatball-faced Baldwin’s career skyrocketed. When asked where he thought the meatball came from, Baldwin said “I think I was in the East Village dining with an old girlfriend at Mama Sauce’s, but if might’ve been during Easter ’87 when my brothers and I made meat eggs”.
Phil Mickelson’s chain
The famous golfer’s famous chain has nothing to do with his famous left-handed drive, but is instead proof of membership in famous hip hop collective, The East City Stompers. Phil financed one of their early projects, a mix tape featuring members Papa Smurph, Leeanne Rhymes, Yeah Man, Kicky P and Booky Chapters that led to their platinum selling LP, “White Guns”. Mickelson claimed he had nothing to do with the group’s infamous beef with rivals Famous Explosions which culminated in the unsolved murder of rapper/entrepreneur Bikini Atoll.
GLENN W. MACAULAY 