X-Men: Days of Future Past

The X-Men team is in trouble again, meaning it’s gonna be ANOTHER long stretch before they can enjoy any sort of leisure time. Do they even get paid to do any of their tricks? This time around the X-Men of the future are pissed that they’re not the best anymore so they send everybody’s favourite naughty boy, Wolverine, back in time to straighten it out before some furnace-faced bots take over.

Ha! As if it were that easy. The Canadian hero known for his six knives kind of screws up mostly because he messes with the frustratingly unstoppable magnet man who is so powerful that he should rightly be included in future editions of the Bible. They eventually figure it out of course, but at what cost? $12.99 for the ticket, no popcorn, just a stick of gum I brought from home.

Most mutants in this movie looked like a middle-aged person’s vision of a graffiti artist and every one of them knew more than enough karate to make up for the shortcomings of whatever power makes them a weirdo.

The bulk of the movie takes place in the 1970s but don’t worry, you won’t get distracted by the fact that not one character knows what you know about computers and the 24 hour news cycle–these guys are all business. Even if the movie took place today they still wouldn’t have had time to check email anyway–no one had time to eat anything in this movie or even stop for a drink of water.

The special effects made the human actors really appear to be the stylish monsters they were supposed to be, while Hugh Jackman and his team of Hollywood trainers and dietitians did a great job making his arm veins look like perfect al dente spaghetti.

The actors knew their lines really well even though most of them only had a few. Heck, Ellen Page spent the whole thing sitting down with her hands around Hugh’s head. There were lots of good lines that were mostly just variations of stuff like, “hope is the greatest human tool” and “our future is ours and hope is our future and be nice” and classic ‘blah blahs’ like that, but I don’t like small talk anyway, so who cares?

I’d give this movie a “go see it, it made me wish I had a power other than being kind”. It didn’t feel very long and I didn’t check my watch once.