From the pages of Marvel’s comics comes another movie with the beautiful and funny Thor. This time it’s a family affair featuring Thor’s dad, brother, and brand new sister who none of us even knew before this movie came out.
The word around the taverns is that this Thor movie is the funniest one, and that’s true. Every character in this movie is a goofball at heart and they are all so witty that Ryan Stiles himself would be jealous.
It’s all your favourite comic book things come to life on the silver screen including aliens, monsters, spaceships, guns, swords, knives, tight clothes and mind boggling special effects that must’ve been made by a lot of computers.
This movie was made with as many computers as there were punches in the movie that were made to look real by using computers. No one got hurt though in real life or in the movie. Hulk punched Thor from a thousand feet in the air and all Thor did was fall asleep so what can kill Thor? You’d have to explode him from the inside but I don’t know I watched cartoons I didn’t read comics. If this movie taught me anything about fighting it’s that you should do one of those sideways barrel rolls after you get punched and it makes the punch look bad but you can get up right after.
I wore a coat and a sweater to the movie and I wasn’t even that hot even though I left my coat on the whole time because I didn’t want to sit on it. The 3D glasses hurt the bridge of my nose but you could chalk that up to me being as clear eyed as Thor, meaning my face isn’t accustomed to things resting on it. This morning there was a bit of redness where the glasses sat, which is kind of a problem because I’ve been having skin problems already. I’ve been red lately and despite moisturizing I’m still fairly flaky. I’m confident this will pass but after living blemish free for a good long time, I’m concerned that maybe my hormones or something have changed and I’m entering a new age like when Thor gets a haircut in the movie. I ate a medium popcorn bought in-house and brought my own PC Blue Menu sparkling water that I threw out (but didn’t recycle, so sorry) after the show.
Almost every character spoke English but not everyone was from North America. In fact, there were only a couple that I could count, which made it feel like I was watching the World Cup of soccer where we’re the minorities for once. There was a tiny bit of eating in the movie but no major meals. They used the Led Zeppelin song twice probably because it was so expensive to buy. Everyone knew their lines perfectly as far as I could tell.
I give this movie 1 Taika out of 3 Waititis and recommend it to anyone who wants to learn how to be a comedian but doesn’t want to do any of the work.
Guardians of the Galaxy is a new movie that has so many aliens and spaceships that you’ll never need to go to the planetarium ever again.
There’s one guy who’s not an alien and that’s human Peter Quill, who calls himself Star Lord, that has more to do with being in space and not being a literal lord because he’s way too goofy to have that kind of authority. He’s played by TV star Chris Pratt who had to lose weight in order to jump all over the place and roll around.
The Star lord gets together with a tree, a raccoon, a volcano man and a green alien to fight against some bald guy who wants an orb that star lord found. That was a bit vague, sorry, there are a lot of bald aliens in this movie. The one I’m talking about is blue and dresses like a Japanese Sphinx. Star Lord’s team doesn’t get along at first but then do because they realize they don’t have any other friends and because it’s way more interesting that way. There’s another plot where star lord misses his dead mom even though the space technology in the movie could probably make him a new one. That part was stupid.
A man can dream
The special effects were great in this movie, creating a version of outer space that’s full of aliens who only speak English and dress like they’re in the opening scene of Bill and Ted part 2. One ticket to that space please! All the ships that the guys drew on their computers for the movie looked really cool and the makeup they used on all the aliens created skin colours and textures that are simply out of this world.
Guardians of the Galaxy was a fun ride and I wouldn’t mind them guarding our galaxy (the milker) as long as they don’t mess around. I hope that in the sequel the tree and raccoon get to go to Earth because I’d love to see what they think of our outdoors.
I ate popcorn, drank a diet cherry coke and some Starburst minis that weren’t as good as Starburst regulars. I shared all snacks with my brother. I’d give this movie a “go see it, you’re bored, right?” and recommend seeing it at night so when you leave the theatre you can keep watching space for free. The best kind of date to bring to this movie would be someone who is easily scared or some dork who hasn’t seen it yet because they were on vacation when it came out.
X-Men: Days of Future Past
The X-Men team is in trouble again, meaning it’s gonna be ANOTHER long stretch before they can enjoy any sort of leisure time. Do they even get paid to do any of their tricks? This time around the X-Men of the future are pissed that they’re not the best anymore so they send everybody’s favourite naughty boy, Wolverine, back in time to straighten it out before some furnace-faced bots take over.
Ha! As if it were that easy. The Canadian hero known for his six knives kind of screws up mostly because he messes with the frustratingly unstoppable magnet man who is so powerful that he should rightly be included in future editions of the Bible. They eventually figure it out of course, but at what cost? $12.99 for the ticket, no popcorn, just a stick of gum I brought from home.
Most mutants in this movie looked like a middle-aged person’s vision of a graffiti artist and every one of them knew more than enough karate to make up for the shortcomings of whatever power makes them a weirdo.
The bulk of the movie takes place in the 1970s but don’t worry, you won’t get distracted by the fact that not one character knows what you know about computers and the 24 hour news cycle–these guys are all business. Even if the movie took place today they still wouldn’t have had time to check email anyway–no one had time to eat anything in this movie or even stop for a drink of water.
The special effects made the human actors really appear to be the stylish monsters they were supposed to be, while Hugh Jackman and his team of Hollywood trainers and dietitians did a great job making his arm veins look like perfect al dente spaghetti.
The actors knew their lines really well even though most of them only had a few. Heck, Ellen Page spent the whole thing sitting down with her hands around Hugh’s head. There were lots of good lines that were mostly just variations of stuff like, “hope is the greatest human tool” and “our future is ours and hope is our future and be nice” and classic ‘blah blahs’ like that, but I don’t like small talk anyway, so who cares?
I’d give this movie a “go see it, it made me wish I had a power other than being kind”. It didn’t feel very long and I didn’t check my watch once.