Tag Archives: condoms

2015 Advent Calendar — December 10

Your December 10 Advent treat window looks like this:


You order your mutt to bite through it, revealing today’s cheeky holiday track:

Here are the lyrics that prove I’m consistent when it comes to these posts.

My dad bought my condoms on the first day of Hanukkah
I said ‘hey thanks that’s cool’

I took ‘em to the cellar and I put one on my feller
I thought ‘man, this holiday rules’

I kept that thing on for 40 days
And filled with piss and stuff
Then I learned it wasn’t meant as a diaper
Puberty was really tough

What they used as condoms in the old days

Back in the old days there was no such thing as rubber condoms so to avoid getting a woman pregnant, men of the realm were forced to fashion their own out of whatever was around, or have a hog eat their dick off. Here’s what some of yesteryear’s horn dogs used to dam the stream:

Blacksmith – Rot iron condom


Baker – hollow bread condom


Knight – No condom


King – Silk condom made to look like a bigger dick


Jester – King’s underpants condom


Peasant – Mud condom


Time Traveler – LifeStyles brand condom


Wizard – Smoke condom


Wizard’s Apprentice

Yeah right! Sorry, but I’m not going to fulfill your perverted fantasy of imagining a bright, young apprentice with a test tube rammed over his underdeveloped peen while he stares dead ahead into the lustful eyes of the village harlot.