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2015 Advent Calendar — December 10

Your December 10 Advent treat window looks like this:

You order your mutt to bite through it, revealing today’s cheeky holiday track:

Here are the lyrics that prove I’m consistent when it comes to these posts.

My dad bought my condoms on the first day of Hanukkah
I said ‘hey thanks that’s cool’

I took ‘em to the cellar and I put one on my feller
I thought ‘man, this holiday rules’

I kept that thing on for 40 days
And filled with piss and stuff
Then I learned it wasn’t meant as a diaper
Puberty was really tough

Your December 9 Advent treat window looks like this:

You show it your privates and it runs away, revealing today’s heavy holiday track:

Here are the lyrics, courtesy of Iggy’s Lobster Basement:

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through my soul
The darkness was spreading
Black mistletoe

Black mistletoe, the kiss of death
Forged in hell, kissed with Satan’s lips
Stand under and go to hell
Rings of fire, dong of black bells

There’s no escape
From the toe’s embrace
Vertigo, insanity await the brave

Do you dare get horny on Christmas?
hahahaha save it for boxing day
For the black mistletoe is ready for you
think nude thoughts…