Tag Archives: snow

Famous snowmen

When the white starts falling, my brain starts calling and I trudge out onto the plains to make a man of snow.

No, that’s not a Neil Young lyric, it’s an artistic reality. My snowmen are deeply personal expressions of my ideal man and have never been exposed to anyone outside of my snooping neighbour, Hewlett, and anyone passing by en route to Pogo Acres during pear season.

Not everyone is as secretive as I am. You may not know it but there’s a thriving scene of artisans from pole-to-pole sharing their creations via social media and FROSTI, the glossy, Rupert Murdoch-founded semi-annual dedicated to all things chilly.

As an avid follower of the form I’ve scrapbooked images of my favourites and would like to share them with you to expose some under-appreciated work as well as to provide me an alibi for today, as my cousin told me he’s planning on framing me for “something bad”.


Title: “Little Jeremy Dreams In Black & White” (2012)
Artist: Daphne C.

What is loneliness? We’ve been seeking the answer for eons and we found it in Daphne C.’s groundbreaking work created on a roadside patch next to a seasonal crab shack, closed for the winter.


Title: “Election Promises” (2008)
Artist: MoonWave Collective

Wisely utilizing the spacious backyard of their leader’s wealthy parents as a canvas, the always controversial MoonWave Collective sculpted this stunning nine-footer, evoking the hopelessness concurrent with American electoral reform.


Title: “Father?” (2014)
Artist: Pupp Dolphin

Half craftsman, half enviro-warrior, 100% artist; Dolphin is a power player in the scene and sent shock waves throughout his sleepy Oregon neighbourhood  when a rare snowstorm afforded him the opportunity to create this disturbing piece. Reaction to the quad-baller was initially mixed until it was spared by bully and notorious man-melter, Scott McDonald. Word quickly spread thereby elevating its status to become a popular local photo op until it rained two days later.


Title: “#HashTag” (2014)
Artist: Nimble

Breaking tradition is certainly the calling card of Nimble, who once used the heads of a group of kindergarteners as brushes to create a massive painting of a copyright symbol, commissioned by the organizing committee of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.


Title: “We Will Not Play Nice” (2001)
Artist: Virginia Greddy

Greddy sought to reflect the heart of man rather than his neck as an affront to the Spherist Period of snow crafting, which had dominated the medium for weeks.


Title: “Thomas, my word” (2015)
Artist: Saam William Ian

Ian was influenced equally by brutalists and The Empire Strikes Back when he first conceived last year’s Neige De Ronde Prize-winning piece. Taking a staggering entire afternoon and six flagons on hot chocolate, the finished man was an instant hit and was even mentioned in the season finale of Bones.

Alternatives to seasonal jumps

The other day I saw this little kid jump into a pile of dead leaves only to emerge covered in dog shit and old cigarette butts, making her look like some sort of leprosy-ridden Chewbacca. Every season has its own unique thing to jump into that we associate with childhood innocence but at what cost? Here are some alternatives to the most popular things to jump into, organized by season:

Major Jumper – Swimming Pools

rogue-pool-slide copy

For centuries summer has been the hottest season of the year besides the heat generated by the non-stop action of PGA Tour season. The easiest way to beat the heat besides replacing your heart with a fridge motor is to swim in water that’s colder than the air. This form of bathing also affords adrenaline junkies the opportunity to test out air-based tricks like flips, dips and tornadoes but it’s all a bit played out. If you’re having trouble following what I’m talking about, simply remember this nursery rhyme: Summer is hot, pools are cool, the world is brown, pools are blue

Alternative – grass clippings


Pools don’t grow on trees but grass sure does, and with so much unwanted grass clippings littering city streets and parks, it makes sense to use them for something other raccoon bait.

Major Jumper – snow


Snow is a very safe, all-natural substance whose white colour reminds us of innocence and the boring part of our eye that doesn’t do anything. It’s also edible so if some gets in your mouth while you’re jumping into it you won’t have to force yourself to puke like you would when jumping into the bean pit during post-summer. I don’t think we should limit ourselves to just one kind of winter pile though.

Alternative – pile of salt


Every foodie dreams of diving into a pile of salt and in most seasons this is completely unreasonable. But come winter big piles of chunky salt are utilized to season our ice and snow in case aliens come and we need to trick them into it so they leave our meat and seeds alone. Salt is rougher than snow but if you come home covered in salt your cat will give you the licking you’ve always sought.

Major Jumper – Mud


Besides being a a dead ringer for poo, mud is a sign that winter is over as well as a source of nutrition for our nation’s nomads. You wouldn’t want some guy swimming around in your almonds, would you? Stay out of the mud!

Alternative – nests


You shouldn’t feel bad about gathering bird’s nests into a clean pile because birds love making them. Besides, for all the hair and old string we contribute to every nest, the least they can do is not peck us when we take one.

major jumper – dead leaves


Humans have a natural need to jump into piles of skeletons because that’s how our ancestors proved they weren’t pussies. Over centuries we’ve evolved to jump into the next best thing to dead humans: dead leaves. By frolicking in what’s essentially a tree’s dead children, jumping in leaves is a pretty big “fuck off” to bark boys considering we use their oxygen all year. Plus, what if someone’s phone number is written on one of those leaves?

alternative – alive leaves


In grade four I ran away from home for six hours and was briefly raised by a local hobo named Meals. He taught me to pile up alive leaves and jump into them, giving one the sensation of “swimming through a lake full of skin” as Meal put it. And fuck trees anyway, right? You never hear them whisper “save the humans” or anything and here we are feeding them CO2 all year long.