Your December 23 Advent treat window looks like this:
You put on your lead-lined gloves and peel it back to reveal today’s funky-ass holiday track:
Here are the lyrics, one chapter long:
I sharpened up a candy cane
I shivved a fuckin’ guard
I walked right out the cellblock, baby
It wasn’t very hard
Killed the warden with my boot
Stole the warden’s santa suit
Grabbed his gun and got away
I’d be home for boxing day
Man on the inside
said get up on this deal
2 fax machines for the price of one
That’s a goddamn steal
Little did i know though
the technology’s obsolete
I hadn’t been in public
since 1983
But I went and saw my family
dressed as Santa Claus
The warden’s blood was on the cuff
which gave my daughter pause
GLENN W. MACAULAY 