Tag Archives: George Lucas

The Definitive Star Wars Audience Participation Script

The popularity of Star Wars is due to many things, most notably its soundtrack, which when played backwards describes the exact location of George Lucas’ high school locker.

But over the years, and several fan pilgrimages to Robin Hood High in Modesto, CA, the movie has taken on a life of its own and continues to be screened on big ones across the world. Fans have even taken it upon themselves to immerse themselves into the action by reacting in unison at certain points of the film, thereby becoming part of it.

Next time you find yourself on shore leave with nothing but a pocket full of ground beef and a few hours to spare, head out to a Star Wars screening and follow along with the diehards using this complete guide:


The show begins with the designated SM (Star Master) warning any first-timers that “their balls are about to be blown off”. The audience responds, “HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET BLOWN OFF?” to which the SM replies, “WITH LASERS, SPACESHIPS, ALIENS, AND FIGHTS”.

The SM retreats to the back row where a bushel of peaches awaits.  He or she will then ROLL A PEACH down the aisle whenever a PLANET or ASTEROID appears onscreen (if peaches aren’t in season, use onions).


As the famous opening crawl begins with “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…”, each audience member holds up a COMPASS, says in unison “WON’T  BE NEEDING THIS” then throws them behind them toward the SM. The SM collects each compass for later.


Then you are to READ THE CRAWL in unison, verbatim, in the VOICE OF YOUR FATHER.

VERBALIZE every piece of punctuation using their special Star Wars code names:

Comma = Low Helmet
Period = Little Planet
Apostrophe = High Helmet
Ellipses = Laser Holes

Example: Pursued by the Empire HIGH HELMETs sinister agents LOW HELMET Princess Leia races home aboard her starship LOW HELMET custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy LASER HOLES


Right after C-3P0 and R2-D2 cross the hallway, just before Vader arrives, shout out, “BIG MAMA’S COMING!”


When Luke sees Leia’s message for the first time, she says “Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope” a bunch of times.

After the SECOND time the she says it say “AGAIN, PLEASE”, then after the third time “OKAY WE GET IT, SHUT UP”


Right when R5-D4’s motivator blows, everyone gets out their phones and DELETES THEIR MOST RECENT EMAIL.


When Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru are discussing Luke’s future:

Beru: Luke’s not a farmer Owen he has too much of his father in him
Owen: That’s what I’m afraid of…

The audience responds, “I’M AFRAID OF _____” filling in the blank with your greatest fear. The Star Master chooses the dumbest fear of the crowd and forces that person to sit backwards the rest of the screening.


In the iconic scene where Luke leaves his house and looks to the Tatooine night sky with its two suns, scream, “GIMME DOUBLE PEACHES, STAR MASTER”


When Obi-Wan removes his hood to reveal himself for the first time and says “Hello There”, everyone TAKES OFF THEIR SHIRTS, stows them under their seats, and responds with “HI, MAN”.


At the first appearance of Chewbacca at the Mos Eisley Cantina, take the GROUND BEEF out of your pocket and THROW IT AT THE SCREEN.


When Ponda Baba’s arm is cut off by Obi-Wan Kenobi, everyone HOLDS UP THE ARM they wouldn’t mind losing, wiggles it around, and says “HERE, HAVE MINE”.

The SM counts the number of rights and lefts held up and will report the data to the local census board as a sign of goodwill. When delivered, the SM will tell the associate he or she deals with, “From Luke and his farm, I give you these arms”.


At the first sight of the Death Star, after Obi-Wan says, “That’s no moon”, the audience responds,  “NOPE! IT’S ANOTHER PEACH, BABY”.


While in the detention area, a frantic Han says, “Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you. How are you?”

The audience responds, “WE’RE OKAY BUT WE COULD USE A SHIRT”.


When our heroes land in the garbage chute on the Death Star, take any garbage accumulated during the screening and THROW IT BACKWARD toward the SM, while making LASER NOISES.


When Obi-Wan is struck down by Darth Vader his clothes fall to the floor. The audience RETRIEVES the shirts they removed earlier and THROWS THEM AT THE SCREEN.


When Luke says, “I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They’re not much bigger than two meters”, respond with “TWO METERS? THAT’S AT LEAST FIFTY PEACHES”. Then everyone turns around to face the SM who responds, “I AM YOUR MASTER AND I ROLL WHEN I SAY I ROLL”.


When the pilots take the their ships for the attack, the shirtless crowd leaves the theatre and must go out to the street to TELL 10 STRANGERS ABOUT STAR WARS.

Once you successfully fill your quota, jog back to the theatre and take your seat. If you’re able to get back in time for when Luke deals the fatal blow to the Death Star, POP a ZIT (if you have one) and SHOUT out “I MADE IT”.


As Luke, Han, and Chewbacca walk down the aisle to receive their awards, the LEFT SIDE of the audience chants “LET’S GO LUKE, LET’S GO LUKE, HAN AND CHEWY MAKE ME PUKE”. The RIGHT SIDE responds with “HAN AND HIS PET, HAN AND HIS PET, LUKE WEARS A DIAPER AND IT’S ALL WET”


As the end credits begin to roll the SM will reward the peaches to the first person who returned to his or her seat after canvassing the neighbourhood. That lucky patron then leads a parade outside the theatre where everyone who DIDN’T get back in time is waiting.

The SM then BURNS the pile of compasses along with the garbage and discarded shirts. The SM will also form patties out of the ground beef and grill them over the burning pile. The person who got the peaches must stomp them into a jam to be spread onto each patty, then distribute the peach burgers to the fans. Once the food is consumed the screening has concluded.


Everyone has a SAFE RIDE HOME.

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Famous movies scenes without FX

Computers are the most popular machines in the world right now and they’ve make every aspect of life easier from booking a vacation to learning trumpet. The movie industry has loved computers since day one and has utilized them to make their films bigger and better, taking us to new worlds and introducing us to fantastical creatures who if real would make us shit our pants.

Here are some rare images of cinema’s most iconic scenes with their computer effects removed. You won’t believe your eyes, I’m so serious.

The Return of the Jedi (1983)

By the time the third film in the effects-heavy Star Wars trilogy was released, George Lucas really knew his way around a mouse. In a famous scene toward the end of the film, our hero Luke Skywalker fences his brother Darth while the Old Master watches. After they shot the scene, Lucas realized his actors didn’t look old enough so he tinkered with it until he got to this:

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Unbelievably, this is what the scene originally looked like:

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Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Director Quentin Tarantino is a real purist, often sleeping on piles of film and using a clapperboard to cut his fresh pasta. He was vehemently against tinkering with the famous slow walk scene in Reservoir Dogs but when renowned street artist BARF threatened to sue Tarantino unless his signature tag was removed from the background, the director was forced to use computer effects to cover it up. Here’s a still from the original scene, as shot:

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Tarantino and BARF eventually became friends and even though it didn’t make it into the movie, the tag was seen by millions of people when MoMA in New York featured it in its “St. Paint” exhibition:

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The Lion King (1994)

Disney struck gold with the release of its animated tale about a lion trying not to die, but production of the film wasn’t all cuddles and heirloom tomatoes. The use of a brand new technology where live action footage could be easily transformed into animation proved time-consuming and very expensive, causing then Disney CEO Michael Eisner to call the production “a fuckin’ tit tumor”. Here’s the final version of one of the film’s most iconic images:

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Now compare that to the same scene before digital artists went to work:

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You may recognize the young actor as Foxcatcher’s Mark Ruffalo, who had been interning at Disney at the time.

North by Northwest (1959)

Director Alfred Hitchcock bought the world’s first movie computer prior to shooting this classic film starring Cary Grant, hoping to use it in a key scene where the hero is chased by an airplane:

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Unfortunately, the invention of the airplane was a still a few months away but Hitchcock had heard about the technology through Wired Magazine and simply had to include it in the film. To motivate the famously fickle Grant to act like he was actually scared, Hitchcock had the three things the actor feared most and had them chase him only to be replaced digitally with the plane during post-production. Here’s that same iconic shot with its effects removed:

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CG’s greatest fears — mallards, grizzlies and his nephew Barney.

The Goonies (1985)

The Goonies was the result of George Lucas daring his friend Stephen Spielberg to make a movie about “a group of destitute kids and their mongoloid”. After completing the dare and looking at the footage, Spielberg thought the kids didn’t look shitty enough, so he shot fresh footage with new actors and digitally added them to existing scenes using USC’s then brand-new computer lab. Here’s a famous shot of the Goonies team that America fell in love with:

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And here’s the original group in the same shot before they were digitally replaced:

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The Shining (1980)

Stanley Kubrick is known for shooting take after take of the same scene, often frustrating actors and crew. When shooting the scene where Jack Nicholson goes crazy and tries to eat his wife, Kubrick has the actor break through the door 900 times before calling it a day. As the day wore on Jack would sip on a potent combination of castor oil and dark rum causing him to lose his concentration. It got so bad that he would forget his lines mid-take so Kubrick was forced to find creative ways to have him remember what to say. In the take that was ultimately used in the film, Nicholson was 27 Oil Drums deep and couldn’t tell the camera from the little boy who played Donnie, so Kubrick scribbled the famous line on the door frame for Jack’s reference. Here is what the scene looks like without digital editing where you can see Jack looking over and reading the text, that gave the scene an extra level of creepiness once it was removed:

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**Bonus** The Matrix (1999) Original Test Footage:

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