Mothers come in all different stinks and shapes, but the one thing they all have in common is their legal right to your ideas and body. A burden like that is tough for most mares to bare so it’s not uncommon to encounter one taking a well-deserved break by imagining that their spawn does not exist. As their creation, you can either accept this and go find a grandmother to cry on, or you can have a little fun and attempt to get her to crack like those guards in England who aren’t allowed to so much as glance, let alone nibble, at the savoury seeds thrown their way by eager tourists.
Here are things you can say to your mom when this natural phenomenon occurs (usually after a heavy twilight rainfall – beauty breeds beasts eh?):
Excuse me, are you my sister? You look like me, talk like me, and my picture is on your apron.
I studied mothers in university and you’re definitely mine.
I have 10 seconds to live so if you don’t stop being stupid this will be your last memory of me.
Look out behind you, it’s your son. Nope, hahahah he’s right here, it’s me.
What’s for dinner tonight, mom? Oh, this thing again? I see. Guess that means we’re having clams. Great, I love your clams, thank you mom.
Mom, I need your help, so please listen. I’ve been pranking Uncle Robert and for the next phase I need you to ask him bring his good computer over to our house, so stop pretending I am not yours and call your brother.
Lady, you kind of look like me – would you mind pretending to be my mother? I need to show my parole officer that I’m capable of love, even though I’m not hehehe.
I know you love The Matrix, but there’s an easier way to pretend you’re a whole different person: get zits!
GLENN W. MACAULAY 