Tag Archives: rap

2015 Advent Calendar — December 13

Your December 13 Advent treat window looks like this:


You stab through it with your mother’s old Edmonton Expo ’84 pencil to reveal today’s bangin’ holiday track:

Here are the lyrics in case you need something for Poem Club this week:

An iPad pro with retina display
New socks, new hat, tickets to a play

I want Playstation games
and a new TV
Gummi bears in my stocking
and some  organic tea

Get me a smart watch
Some good scotch
a guitar amp
Could use a drone,
new phone
and a skateboard ramp

Some leather shoes
Would put me in the mood
for some artisanal food
and a local craft brew    

I really want a big sword
a billboard
With a picture of me
Giving bedroom eyes

I want the whole town to see
How pretty I look
They will become my pawns
I’ll be the motherfuckin rook

Give me a brand new tank
and a ton of guns
I want to own the bank
and raise a hundred sons

Find me a hot queen
Named colleen
A big old house
Get me a pool table
Horse stable
Golden blouse

I’ll wanna be your new god
that’s what I want

2015 Advent Calendar — December 5

Your December 5 Advent treat window looks like this:


You utter the magic words, “I’m ready, baby”, and the window softly swings open to reveal today’s treat:

Here are the lyrics in case the cops start sniffin’ around:

At my in laws for a holiday feast
The turkey’s out the oven and the buns got yeast

I ask my wife’s dad if there’s something I can do
he said “please carve the turkey and make the gravy too”

I said “no problem that’s my specialty”
I’ve made more gravies than Finland’s got trees

I’d blow ‘em away with my deep brown goo
Shit would taste good on a dirty fuckin shoe

Open up the pantry to get some supplies
What I found in there almost made me cry

They got a lotta flour

But they don’t get cloves!

They got port wine

But no bay leaves!

Thank god they got pepper

I don’t see worstershire

But they do got salt

Do my best to make it thick and tasty
It’s got more flavour than Dawson’s got Pacey

The gravy’s such a hit that they drank that shit
I’m the hero of Christmas cuz my sauce is legit