Advent Calendar 2014 — December 19

I only listened to the last episode of the famous Serial podcast and I didn’t understand who Don was. Don’t make the same mistake with the Advent adventure:

December 1               December 9               December 17
December 2              December 10             December 18
December 3              December 11
December 4              December 12
December 5              December 13
December 6              December 14
December 7              December 15
December 8              December 16

You’re plopped into the potato fields of a large farm. Maybe it’s a small farm, you don’t know. Ever seen a small farm? I haven’t. You’re ankle deep in mud and your tum tum feels strange from scarfing that handful of fries in the interrogation room. You don’t feel like doing any hard labour and figure you can nap among the spuds while you wait for something to happen.

Right as your about to drift off to sleep, a farmer pulls up in a purple tractor.

Farmer Luther and his wife, Bambo


“Hey there. There’s another one of them crop circles out in the corn. Take the drone up and take a look, would you?” he asks, nodding toward a small shed. “And stop nickin’ my beets!”

The only crop circle you’ve ever seen live was in your babysitter’s backyard and it wasn’t made by aliens but the babysitter’s boyfriend who was performing a dry-run of the senior class prank, so you’re mildly excited to see another. You wander over to the shed and open the door. Inside the tiny enclosure is a decent sized remote controlled drone, a few watering cans, a shovel, a stack of broken alarm clocks and two cats fucking. You grab the drone, give the cats a wink and head out to the corn.

It takes you five hours but you finally find the corn field in question. Along the way you fall in a pond, meet a wizard, stub your toe and find a time capsule from 1934. All it had in it was newspapers and cigarettes. I’m not going into detail because none of that stuff related directly to the Advent adventure. Wait, the wizard said something about Bethlehem, but he also claimed he could turn toast into DVDs so who cares.

You fire up the drone and launch it across the dry, dead corn. At first you find it tough to watch the drone and not the small LCD screen on the remote that displays the drone’s camera but after awhile you get used to it. If two cats can fuck in a shed, a human can control a flying machine, eh?

You finally manage to position the drone directly above the crop circle and take a couple pictures using the drone’s camera. You’re startled when you get a good look at the image:


Shiiiiitttttt, the Advent date gate! You quickly forget about the drone (it crashes into a garage where a high school band is practicing. The band’s keyboard player, nickname “HardWire”, reprograms it into a flying synthesizer that gains the band much notoriety) and enter the crop circle hoping to find your way off the farm.

You’ve always believed in aliens because there’s no other explanation for volcanoes, and your belief is only strengthened when you find the crop circle area dusted with goo. Lying in the middle of the main circle is a strange-looking device that turns out to be an old modem, but next to the modem is an even stranger item that looks like this:


You pick it up and it makes an otherworldly noise:

And you’re off! Out of the farm and into… harm??? Find out tomorrow!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s