Stop, drop and roll, then sit, logon and surf. Then read the previous Advent adventure entries, roll, drop, then read today’s.
December 1 December 9 December 17
December 2 December 10 December 18
December 3 December 11 December 19
December 4 December 12 December 20
December 5 December 13 December 21
December 6 December 14
December 7 December 15
December 8 December 16
You’re walking down a decrepit downtown street in a city that looks a lot like Jackson, Mississippi. You won a trip there through the famous “Win a Trip to Jackson” contest that Pringles ran a few years ago. Remember those commercials?
Anyway, up ahead a beggar is seeking change or maybe something else like food or juice. When you get closer you recognize the man as actor Chevy Chase. Looks like you’ve been transported into the movie you were hoping to see the preview for. Pretty cool that you get to meet another celebrity on this journey, the first being Gary Oldman back on December 2. Your career number of celeb encounters has now doubled, the first two being Cheri Oteri and Stone Cold Steve Austin who you saw on a date once when you used to valet cars during university.
“Spare any treats?” Chevy asks with that classic wide-eyed face he sometimes uses.
You move to check your pockets and realize that the outfit you’ve been wearing doesn’t have any. Had you noticed this earlier you would’ve totally had those aliens sew you some.
“How about a joke instead?” you respond.
“I can’t eat one of those but jokes are the candy of the soul,” Chevy says.
You kind of expected him to say “no” and scowl at you, so now you have to come up with a joke. You kind of wish you hadn’t thrown out that “Big Book of Common Gags” that your niece gave you last Halloween. You rely on your natural wit instead.
“How many… uh… how many Thomas Edisons does it take to… screw… I mean invent a lightbulb?”
“Well just one I would suppose,” Chevy says with a smirk. “That’s pretty funny actually.”
“No, wrong. It’s uh… two. Two Thomas Edisons. One to invent the lightbulb and another to… umm… another to market it and… test it?” you stumble. Man, that sucked.
“Sounds like you’re in more trouble than I am and I’m in big trouble. If I don’t get to St. Louis by noon tomorrow my kids are going to explode.”
You had read about the movie’s plot on a small-time Hollywood blog run by a guy who calls himself “Philm” and thought it sounded pretty cool but now you’re not so sure.
Chevy produces a flyer from the breast pocket of the burlap duster he’s got on.
“Take this. Father Ben helped me realize the true meaning of Christmas and taught me enough piano to win the jazz contest, which I’ll need to do to be able afford to buy my wife back from the hackers. After I get my kids back of course.”
BINGO. The Advent date gate that should lead to your next, stupid adventure. You wish he hadn’t further ruined the plot of the movie but it sounds like dog shit so you’ll probably skip it anyway.
“Thanks a lot mister. Can you autograph it for me?” you ask.
“Of course, of course.”
Chevy takes a lump of coal out from under his hat and scribbles something on the flyer. He hands it back.
You were hoping he’d sign it “C. Chase” but since you’re actually in a movie you suppose it makes sense. Weird name for a character though.
The autograph starts to glow and you realize that it represents this phase’s Advent treat. You start to disappear and smile knowing this thing is almost over because you’re tired of doing it every day.
GLENN W. MACAULAY 